#15 ~ Help: I'm overstimulated.

Mistaking stimulation for satisfication

According to a study from 2019, American men think about sex nine times a day, and women, seven. The average American, however, checks their phone 96 times a day. I’ve thought about this study for years and let’s be real, the frequency of distraction has probably tripled by now so that 96 number is outdated. Fuck.

Why is it that we’re constantly reaching for our phones to tell us who we are? That they might give us what we’re really craving - some trace of connection.

I really think we’re starving. We yearn for touch but are distracted by the constant pings, notifications… validation on demand, a quick dopamine hit. We’ve lost the subtle art of eye contact. And when we do meet eyes with a stranger at the airport or on the train, we quickly glance back to our device as if it’s normal to look down the majority of our waking days.

Just think… we used to be captivated by the eros of life. We were drawn in by the pulse of her. Now desire is something we can’t access simply because we’re constantly turning towards the draining blue light of a screen.

We outsource intimacy to pixels and forget what it means to ache for something real. We keep distracting ourselves from longing because it’s become too much.

We’re starving not because we lack pleasure but because we’ve forgotten how to be with the space that pleasure requires.

We’re overstimulated in ways we barely register. Recently I realized there’s hardly a moment in my life that isn’t filled with noise. Even my shower has been colonized by podcasts. We layer stimulation upon stimulation until it becomes weirdly odd to just be with ourselves in silence.

Our nervous systems are flooded. Too many inputs. Too many images. I don’t think I should know these many people on the internet. I have information on every wedding, anniversary, and life event of the hundreds of people I follow on Instagram. Is that normal? I know details of people I’ve only met once. We swipe without barely processing. I quickly respond lmao to a meme my friend sent swiping in and out of apps. But if you asked me what it was a couple days later, I wouldn’t remember.

I’m just being honest.

I read Substack articles and play Bravo shows as background noise. I answer texts at the red light. I scroll in line at grocery stores. Congrats on the baby!

This low-level state of overwhelm makes our state of desire dull. We can’t be turned on by life when we are hit by cheap dopamine everywhere we turn. The neurotransmitter of anticipation, of reward, of pleasure was never meant to be triggered this often (or easily). We used to get dopamine bursts by real things - shared laughs, the smell of someone we love, hand holding. But now we get them constantly from random DMs, sales texts, likes on our recent post. Our world is engineered to hijack it. Everything is carefully designed to spike dopamine so we come back for more. And we do! Not out of weakness but because our silly little brains are wired to chase the hit. But who knows maybe it’s weakness too.

And so the baseline dulls. Real pleasure gets harder to feel. Even sex with someone you love feels muted. We mistake stimulation for satisfaction. More caffeine, more input, more substances, more scrolling.

Attention is spread across 10 tabs, five group texts, and several email accounts. Sales hit your inbox everyday. They know your number too. Last chance! Our calendars are filled with plans and time blocking. Productivity hacks so we can keep up. But keep up with who or what?

We don’t leave room for surprises and pretty much fill every gap of our life. And I get it because leaving room for stillness requires us to really face what’s actually going on. When we strip our experience of stimulation, we’re bored, lonely, grieving, yearning, and suddenly seeing all of our unmet needs. Sheesh.

We weren’t made to be this distracted…

I don’t write this because I’ve mastered the art of stillness. Not even close. I struggle every single day to stay present, to not reach for my phone the moment I feel bored or lonely or uncertain. Since I don’t have a big community where I live, the phone feels like my portal to the outside world. It is in many ways my lifeline for connection yet it rarely satisfies what I’m actually after. It offers this illusion of closeness but never depth. In an act of rebellion I left my phone inside and lied face down in the grass. No music. No podcast. No book. Just me and the wind. Me and the dirt. It felt wild and rebellious like I was breaking a rule. Really it was just me breaking a pattern.

I guess it really is radical to just be with yourself ;)

Onwards xx